If elected, Sammy's gonna make it one pretty drive from city hall to the 'burb of your choice. First,
He's gonna finish fixin' the streets - a one-time investment so we won't have to worry about those paved car and truck paths ever, ever again. (Then, wouldn't you know it, we can cut taxes for once and all!)
And as you're driving on those flatter, smoother, less bumpy and... well, flatter roads, you'll notice that you're stopping at traffic lights less often than before. Why? Because Sammy's gonna...
Synchronize the traffic lights. That's right. He'll cut commute times down by [maybe] more than [about] 20%. So:
Now the next one is of special import to those driving from downtown to Transcona, or from downtown to the West End (do people drive there?) Sammy's gonna...
Ban spraypaint! Surely that oughtta teach those young, rowdy little deviants not to join gangs and tag buildings. Watch them run back to their neighbourhood and get jobs now, what with all the business springing up where there was only graffiti. Now, for only the problem of municipal jurisdiction... but i'm sure Sammy's working on it.
Grow grass on the rooftops; ask people to use less water; try to use fewer city vehicles; continue to preserve our elms; study planting prairie grass on municipal lawns: to make the city look green - should make up for cutting the clean environment commission as well as the planned rapid transit system. Don't worry, I don't think anyone noticed, Sam.
Now imagine adding all that to such bold visionary accomplishments as:
Operation Clean Sweep. Sam told the police to sweep away little deviants that shoot people and tag buildings. And poof! Wouldn't you know it - they're gone! Like that! All it takes is a little bit of direction.
Public Private Partnerships. Ok, so we don't really know what this means yet. But it sounds creative. Like the one where the city pays rent for police stations rather than actually building and maintaining them. Or the one where we develop Assiniboine park to pay for it - so much unused land! Or the one where we flat out privatize the park. Anyway, that stuff should make up for a bit of the money that's run out from the sale of Winnipeg Hydro.
It's going to be one amazing term for this guy! Because of all his hard work, I'm going to be able to drive to and from work without seeing a hint of spraypaint or getting shot, and I will be able to do it one minute quicker than before. I might even be able to get a job as a rooftop grass-mower. That would locate me downtown instead of the West End and bank me TWO minutes!
This election is like the fart before the dump. Or, in terms of the international fart glossary - "a prelude to $h!t." Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing (but they'll still vote for Sam).
He's gonna finish fixin' the streets - a one-time investment so we won't have to worry about those paved car and truck paths ever, ever again. (Then, wouldn't you know it, we can cut taxes for once and all!)
And as you're driving on those flatter, smoother, less bumpy and... well, flatter roads, you'll notice that you're stopping at traffic lights less often than before. Why? Because Sammy's gonna...
Synchronize the traffic lights. That's right. He'll cut commute times down by [maybe] more than [about] 20%. So:
- if you live in Transcona (though you probably don't), and work downtown, that will shave [about] 4 minutes off your 20 minute drive!
- if you live in St. James, that's 4 minutes.
- if you live in Whyte Ridge, that's... 4(.5) minutes.
- Come to think of it... if you live in Garden City, the North End, Kildonan, Tuxedo, St. Norbert or heck, even East St. Paul - and work on the other side of the city - that will save you a whole 5 minutes. But if you live in Transcona and work in St. James or St. Vital then why the hell don't you just take the perimeter!?
Now the next one is of special import to those driving from downtown to Transcona, or from downtown to the West End (do people drive there?) Sammy's gonna...
Ban spraypaint! Surely that oughtta teach those young, rowdy little deviants not to join gangs and tag buildings. Watch them run back to their neighbourhood and get jobs now, what with all the business springing up where there was only graffiti. Now, for only the problem of municipal jurisdiction... but i'm sure Sammy's working on it.
Grow grass on the rooftops; ask people to use less water; try to use fewer city vehicles; continue to preserve our elms; study planting prairie grass on municipal lawns: to make the city look green - should make up for cutting the clean environment commission as well as the planned rapid transit system. Don't worry, I don't think anyone noticed, Sam.
Now imagine adding all that to such bold visionary accomplishments as:
Operation Clean Sweep. Sam told the police to sweep away little deviants that shoot people and tag buildings. And poof! Wouldn't you know it - they're gone! Like that! All it takes is a little bit of direction.
Public Private Partnerships. Ok, so we don't really know what this means yet. But it sounds creative. Like the one where the city pays rent for police stations rather than actually building and maintaining them. Or the one where we develop Assiniboine park to pay for it - so much unused land! Or the one where we flat out privatize the park. Anyway, that stuff should make up for a bit of the money that's run out from the sale of Winnipeg Hydro.
It's going to be one amazing term for this guy! Because of all his hard work, I'm going to be able to drive to and from work without seeing a hint of spraypaint or getting shot, and I will be able to do it one minute quicker than before. I might even be able to get a job as a rooftop grass-mower. That would locate me downtown instead of the West End and bank me TWO minutes!
This election is like the fart before the dump. Or, in terms of the international fart glossary - "a prelude to $h!t." Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing (but they'll still vote for Sam).
1 Comments:
Winnipeg celebrated mediocrity yesterday. Aren't you proud?
Kendra =)
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