CANADA'S NEW(ISH) GOVERNMENT (HAVE MERCY) COMES TO SENSES, TRIMS FAT
Thanks guys. Nay, Men! It's like you read our minds:
ADULT LITERACY: If you're an adult, you alreadie should know how to read and spel.
MUSEUMS: If people don't visit the museums out there in those rural backwaters, shut them down. Museums should make money, not bleed the taxpayer by preserving Nellie McClung's hankerchief. Who's Nellie McClung anyway?
YOUTH INTERNSHIPS: Kids should grow up and learn here at home, just like PM Harper. He's never traveled and he turned out alright.
YOUTH EMPLOYMENT: Many, many businesses hire students to work full-time for only 4 months. Just not the government (it's inefficient).
PINE BEETLE: They're just beetles, people. So they killed a few trees. Calm down - they'll grow back. That's how nature works.
PALLIATIVE CARE RESEARCH: They're dying anyway - what's the point!? Again, just nature at work.
CANADA MORTGAGE AND HOUSING CORPORATION: If the poor and uneducated can't afford to buy a house, they should get a job. If they can't get a job, they should learn how to read. But it's not up to the government to teach them how to read. For that, they should go to back school. Unless they were stupid enough to have kids. In summary, the poor and uneducated with multiple offspring might as well be written off.
COURT CHALLENGES PROGRAM: Ditto, but for minorities and immigrants. It's not the constitution's fault. That's a bloodly Liberal document anyway.
Bottom line: We're overtaxed in this kingdom. I hope you might cut the queen too, she doesn't do much except pose for the pictures that go on our money. And I know governmentals agree. Finance Minister Jim Flaherty said "yeah, you know, we want to continue reducing taxes."
'atta boy, Flahts.
GOVERNMENT SHOWS CANADIANS LIGHT AT END OF TUNNEL
"Canadians are facing risks such as the spread of disease, more drought in the prairies, melting permafrost in the North, longer and more intense heat waves and smog, and rising coastal waters," said Johanne Gainas, federal environment commissioner.
Now we know. Thank God for the environment commissioner.
p.s. Any job openings for the governmental 'state the obvious' department for a hack like me?'
4 Comments:
I'll write you a reference letter if you apply for the position of "Obvious-Stater General"
kendra
Thank god the poor and illiterate have blogs like this to keep them informed. Else they be royal fucked.
- matt
James,
Doesn't everyone know that the "not-for-profit" day is dead, and that if God really loved you, you'd have an SUV and not need government programs? I think this "new" government is making that very clear - we just haven't gotten it yet (but they'll beat it into our heads eventually I'm sure).
*shudder*
yeah, i'm pretty sure the poor and illiterate have access to computers. duh. the government made it very clear that science and technology - especially computers - is key to saving the earth. i mean, you can't build a computer if it's not-for-profit, can you?
well, i guess you could, but then it would be one of those hand-crank computers that teach people how to read. hey... now i get it. forget the dept. of obvious stater-general, kendra, can you write me a letter for the department of hand-crank literacy computers? thanks.
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